I Am Not Your Keyword

With our wedding right around the corner, I stumbled across a long list of toll receipts on my boyfriend's phone. He'd hit the road in the dead of night, drive 12 hours straight, and then turn around and drive all the way back the next day just to keep me from finding out. Staring at that brutal schedule, my friends tried to reassure me. "It's completely normal. Guys get cold feet before getting married. Give him a little time, and he'll snap out of it." Unconvinced, I followed him to Charleston in the middle of the night, where I saw a girl sitting in his passenger seat. They got out of the car and walked into a hotel together. Panic surged through me, followed by pure rage. I bolted across the street after them, only to be hit by oncoming traffic and knocked onto the pavement. As my consciousness faded, my hands trembled as I frantically typed out a text. [Please answer the phone. I just got hit by a car.] Harrison Evans paused, glanced down at his phone, and opened the message. I held my breath, waiting for him to call me back right away. Instead, he turned off his phone and walked away with the girl. I passed out cold. It wasn't until seven that evening, after I had dragged myself home with a leg encased in a cast, that Harrison finally called me. "What do you mean you were in a car accident? How bad is it? Which hospital are you at? I'll come pick you up." "Don't bother." There was no need for him to pick me up and definitely no need for us to get married, either. Chapter 1 My calm response must have tipped off that something was wrong, because Harrison Evans lowered his voice and started offering excuses. "Things were crazy busy this afternoon, and my phone battery died before I could charge it." That had been his go-to excuse for the past three months. If I hadn't seen the truth with my own eyes, I would still have been kept in the dark. "Okay," I hummed. His voice was brimming with worry. "How are your injuries? Is it serious?" I glanced up at the clock. It was 7:40 PM—eight full hours after I had tried calling him. I snapped a photo of my leg, wrapped tightly in a thick plaster cast, and sent it to him. It was a comminuted fracture. Harrison looked at it, but he didn't bother asking any more questions. Instead, he sent back a few photos of blooming crabapple blossoms. "They're all in full bloom," he marveled. "Looks like an ocean of pink. It's breathtaking." I stared at the images. "Is Charleston really that much fun?" Was it fun enough for him to make the trek four times in a single month? Fun enough to send me the same photos four times, captured from the same angle with the same composition? He couldn't even be bothered to put any effort into lying to me. Harrison paused, caught off guard by my question. "Yeah, it's pretty nice." He hesitated before adding evasively, "To be honest, it was half vacation and half helping out a friend." I didn't bother asking who this friend was. I knew he wouldn't tell me. Besides, I already knew the answer: it was his ex-girlfriend. Aurora Dalton had just updated her Instagram feed. She was wearing flawless makeup, posing under the blooming crabapple trees. Whoever took the photo must have cared for her deeply; they had snapped the shutter at the precise moment when the sunlight hit her just right. It was nothing like the pictures Harrison took of me, where my face was blurry in nine out of ten shots. Whenever I complained, he would just give me a helpless smile. "That's just how straight guys take pictures." Looking at the post, I finally got it. It wasn't that he didn't know how to take a good picture. It was just that he didn't care about the person in front of his lens. Taking my lingering silence as fatigue, he suggested softly, "Get some rest. I'll head back first thing tomorrow morning." "Okay," I said before hanging up. Then I opened Aurora's feed, filled with her gushing happiness. [Master's Degree Unlocked! Made the back-and-forth trip four times this past month, but I was lucky enough to have someone by my side helping me out every step of the way. So grateful!] She made four trips, and Harrison accompanied her every time. Meanwhile, he hadn't shown an ounce of concern for our wedding attire, venues, or decorations. My head throbbed with a dull ache, and the heavy plaster cast pinched tight around my fractured leg. After I called the vendor to cancel the wedding venue, I tossed and turned until two in the morning before finally drifting off to sleep. When I woke up, Harrison was already back. He was in the kitchen simmering chicken soup, and when he saw me open my eyes, he walked over and gently touched my face. "How did you get into a car accident?" I stayed quiet for a long moment, then stared up at him. "I was out and saw someone I knew, but I couldn't catch up to them." Harrison just gave a casual response. "Well, be more careful next time." He didn't ask where I had been or who I was trying to catch. Because he didn't care. My round-trip Amtrak ticket to Charleston was sitting right there in plain view on the entry table, but he couldn't even be bothered to look at it. Chapter 2 My eyes stung with hot tears as I grabbed my crutches and maneuvered myself out of bed. After a quick trip to the bathroom to wash up, I limped over to the dining table, unscrewed the insulated food jar full of homemade chicken soup, and began ladling some into a bowl. "Don't drink that!" Harrison rushed into the dining room, his voice cracking with panic. I froze, my hands hovering in mid-air. "This isn't for me?" He let out a strained hum. "A friend at work is down with a bad cold, so I made it for them." He caught himself and forced a quick smile. "I mean... if you really want some, go ahead." Despite his smile, the reluctance in his tone was impossible to hide. Without a word, I looked down at my heavy plaster cast and set the bowl back down. Harrison immediately screwed the lid back onto the thermos and packed up a few side dishes. Only after everything was packed did he finally turn his attention back to me. "What do you feel like eating? I can whip up some pasta for you." "Who's the friend?" "Nobody you know." "Is it a guy or a girl?" The faint smile vanished from Harrison's face, replaced by a look of exasperation. "What is with you today? It's just a regular friend. Are you just exhausted from all the wedding planning lately?" I dropped it and didn't ask another question. He turned toward the kitchen to start cooking, but suddenly, his phone screen lit up. He stared at the notification before abruptly untying his apron, grabbing the thermos, and rushing toward the front door. "Something came up, and I have to step out for a bit," he muttered quickly over his shoulder. "Don't forget your meal." Before I could even respond, he was gone. He was in a desperate hurry to check on his ex-girlfriend's cold, completely unbothered by the fact that his fiancée was sitting at home with a broken leg. A notification chimed on my phone. The boutique had processed the full cancellation of my custom wedding dress. I tapped to confirm, then ordered takeout for myself. After finishing the meal, I grabbed a cab to the hospital to pick up my prescription. And that was when I ran straight into Harrison. He was carrying Aurora's designer handbag in his left hand and the empty thermos in his right. The moment he spotted me, the smile instantly froze on his face, though he quickly composed himself. "What a coincidence running into you here," he managed. A total coincidence that we ended up at the same hospital, and a coincidence that she had just finished his chicken soup? Aurora did not explain, merely giving me a polite smile. "Cindy, why don't you go ahead and grab your medicine? We'll wait for you outside." She spoke with the calm poise of the lady of the house, and Harrison fell right in line, agreeing with her suggestion, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I said nothing and headed inside. When I walked back out, habit took over, and I reached for the passenger door. Aurora looked at me with an apologetic grin. "I'm so used to riding shotgun. Do you need me to move for you?" Her tone was gentle, but her body language made it crystal clear she had zero intention of moving. The seat height and recline angle were adjusted so precisely it looked tailor-made for her. Before I could say anything, Harrison pulled open the rear door. "Why don't you sit in the back?" The whole ride, they chatted and laughed while I sat alone in the backseat. It felt like an invisible barrier was separating us, dividing the car into two entirely different worlds. Suddenly, Harrison pulled over to the curb and bolted out of the car. Seeing me roll down my window to look, Aurora spoke up smoothly. "Don't worry. He just ran off to buy some fresh cherries from that fruit stand." My eyes widened, but before I could respond, Harrison came running back, his face beaming with excitement. "Aurora, look, I got them!" The moment the words left his mouth, he seemed to remember I was sitting in the back. "Cindy, is there anything you want? I can go..." Before he could finish his sentence, Aurora stemmed a ripe cherry and popped it straight into his mouth. "Aren't these amazing?" Her index finger lingered on his lips for a brief, deliberate second before pulling away. Harrison's face instantly flushed bright red. He stole a quick, guilty glance at me in the rearview mirror, slid into the driver's seat, and cleared his throat awkwardly. "Alright, let's get going." Aurora sat back comfortably, as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. In the rearview mirror, my expression remained neutral. When I caught Harrison's anxious, probing eyes, I let out a soft laugh. The car lurched forward as he slammed on the gas. Chapter 3 After dropping Aurora off, Harrison rushed to explain, "Don't take it to heart. She just loves making jokes." "Do you even remember you're getting married?" I asked bluntly. Harrison's face darkened slightly, and he fell silent. I turned to look out the window, my mind drifting back. Harrison and Aurora used to be the quintessential golden couple. Back in college, they were star students who did debate together, won competitions together, and traveled together. But they were both too stubborn, caught in an endless cycle of fighting, making up, and fighting again. By the time they graduated, real-world pressures drove them to break up. Harrison wept as if his whole world had collapsed. I had never seen a grown man break down like that, so I got off the bus and pulled my beanie over his head. I ran off before he could react, and we didn't cross paths again until more than a year later. Exchanging numbers felt natural, and eventually, we started dating. Everything was calm and sweet. No wild drama or heart-wrenching pain. And that, apparently, was why he found it boring. "Don't overthink it," he said, his tone turning cold and defensive. "Nothing happened between Aurora and me." I met his eyes in the rearview mirror and asked calmly, "That friend with the cold... It was her, wasn't it?" "Yes," Harrison admitted bluntly. "She was sick, so I stopped by to take care of her. That's all." He looked away, pulling up a thick emotional wall between us. Except I wasn't the one inside it. The rest of the drive passed in silence. When we arrived home, I waited outside the garage for him. All the walking today had made my fractured leg throb, and I hoped he would give me a hand. When Harrison came out, he scooped me up and carried me on his back. Exhausted, I leaned against his shoulder and closed my eyes. His phone chimed right then. Before tapping on the message, he hesitated and tested the waters. "Cindy?" I didn't answer, keeping my eyes closed. Harrison breathed a sigh of relief and opened the chat. It turned out Aurora had sent him a photo of herself in a skimpy bikini. Aurora: [How does this look? Thinking about posting it on Insta.] Harrison's breathing suddenly grew heavy. [Don't post that!] [Why not?] Harrison's grip on my thigh tightened slightly. [Because I'm your man.] [Now you remember. But you're getting married!] Harrison didn't reply. The elevator doors opened. He unlocked our apartment door gently and set me down on the couch, then rushed straight to his study to check if Aurora had posted the picture. He was fully oblivious to my tear-rimmed eyes and the damp patch left on the back of his shirt where my tears had soaked through. Two hours later, he finally came out looking refreshed and relieved. Seeing that I was awake, he walked over and patted my head. "What do you want for lunch?" "A burger is fine." I shifted and pulled his arm down. Harrison blinked, his gaze falling on my bare hand. "Where's your engagement ring?" I had taken it off right after waking up from the crash. "It gets in the way when I shower." "Did you put it somewhere safe? You can't just leave an engagement ring lying around." "Is the ring really that important?" "What kind of question is that? Of course, it's important. It's the symbol of our engagement." Yet just moments ago, he had been flirting with another woman. When I stayed quiet, he took a deep breath and took my hands in his. "Cindy, you need to have faith in us," he said sanctimoniously. "You're the only one I've ever wanted to marry." But that didn't stop him from keeping his ex on a leash. Staring at him, I itched to ask if he ever got tired of playing both sides. After lunch, I went to the bedroom to pack my things. When I came out, Harrison was throwing on a jacket, getting ready to leave. "Where are you heading?" I asked. "A college reunion get-together." As if worried I would suspect something, he added, "Do you want to come along?" "Yes." I met his stunned gaze and offered a faint smile. "I'm coming with you." This was the first time I had ever insisted on joining him for a party, and he looked far from thrilled. Outside the restaurant, Aurora came out to greet him. The moment she saw me standing beside him, her expression froze, though she quickly recovered with a bright smile. "Cindy! So glad you could make it!" "Thanks." My eyes drifted to her outfit: a powder-blue knit dress. I turned to look at Harrison, who was wearing a matching shirt. Even their watches were from the same luxury brand. Standing next to them, I felt like the third wheel. As we reached the private dining room, someone instantly jumped up. "Harrison! I heard you're getting married. When did you and Aurora get back together? "Can't believe you kept it a secret from us! After all this back and forth, you've finally found your way back to each other." Harrison went rigid as a board. Aurora, on the other hand, didn't bat an eye. She even turned around to look at me, eager to see if my face would crack. Chapter 4 Someone in the know muttered immediately, "You've had one too many drinks. This is Harrison's fiancée." The guy's expression flickered with instant embarrassment as he apologized. "My bad. Stupid mistake." I gave a faint smile. "It's fine." Aurora let out a laugh right on cue. It was short, sharp, and dripping with contempt, as if mocking me for living in denial. I turned to her and asked softly, "Care to share what's so funny?" Aurora hadn't expected me to call her out so directly. Her fake smile almost slipped. "I wasn't laughing. Cindy, aren't you being a little overly sensitive?" "Is that so?" I scoffed. "When you sent my fiancé a picture of yourself in a skimpy bikini yesterday, was I just being overly sensitive then, too?" In an instant, the entire room dropped dead silent. Aurora's face went ashen. She slumped onto the table as tears welled up, looking every bit the pathetic victim. Harrison's expression turned thunderous. He grabbed my wrist and dragged me out into the hallway. "Have you made enough of a scene?" My left leg bumped hard against the corner of the wall, sending a sharp, sickening jolt of pain through my fracture. When the pain finally subsided, I almost wanted to laugh. He had just been caught red-handed cheating, and he had the nerve to turn around and interrogate me? "What are you getting so defensive about?" I asked calmly. "I'm not defensive!" Harrison snapped, his face dark. "It was just a swimsuit photo. Don't be so backwards." "So, I can send a bikini photo to my ex, and then turn around and tell you the same thing?" I countered. Harrison pressed his fingers against his temples, exasperated. Inside the private room, Aurora's theatrical sobbing grew louder by the second. He gave up trying to argue with me. "Just go home. We'll talk about this later." There was nothing left to talk about. The moment a conflict broke out between me and an outsider, I was the first person he kicked out. His former classmates threw pitying glances my way, while Aurora stood behind them, arms crossed, giving me a smug little wave. I turned and walked away. By the time I made it back to our apartment, my parents were already waiting for me. They helped load my luggage into the trunk. My mother looked at me with calm, steady eyes. Just before we drove off, she asked, "Are you sure about this?" I nodded. "Yes, I'm sure." They immediately called up all our relatives to let them know the wedding was off. Aurora updated her Instagram feed yet again, captioned: [Such a perfect reunion! Guys, we have to do this again next year!] In the group photo, she was glued to Harrison, playfully linking her arm through his. What she didn't realize was that I had already forfeited this petty game. At eight o'clock that night, Harrison finally made it back to the apartment. But when he opened the front door, the person who always waited for him was nowhere to be found. His heart sank into his stomach, a sudden, suffocating wave of dread rushing straight to his head.