I Skimmed My Bestie’s Mafia Seduction Fund

My bestie got wasted and begged me in tears. "Help me get into Caspian's bed! Please, spend whatever it takes, just get me out of this broke-ass life!" God help me. Caspian was the most ruthless Don in Chicago. I sighed. What could I do? I was her best friend. But I had one rule: never spend a dime more than I have to. The budget was set. The less I spent, the more I pocketed. She gave me $5,000 to buy a dress that would seduce him. I pocketed $4,900. So she wore a dress I made out of flea-market silk scraps. Her pitiful, broke-girl act completely won the Don over. Thrilled, she shoved another $1,000 into my hands to buy top-tier birth control. I skimmed $999 and bought a two-dollar bottle of multivitamins. Clutching that positive pregnancy test, my bestie looked at me like I was God. Later, the Don's ex, Cassandra—pure mafia royalty—came back for blood. Furious, my bestie threw $50,000 at me. "Ruin her! Aria, you're the only one I trust to handle this." But at the family dinner, that bitch struck first. "She hired thugs to attack me in the penthouse! They're hiding inside right now!" Yet, when Caspian kicked the door open. The woman's smug smirk froze. "Freaks... are you fucking freaks?! Who fills a room with life-sized creepy Halloween wax figures?!" ... Chapter 1 Cassandra kicked the penthouse door open. Heads snapped toward the open door. "See?!" Cassandra shrieked, pointing right at my nose. "Six thugs! She hired them! Hiding in this room to ruin me! Caspian, what a great woman you're keeping!" Click. The lights came on. Over a dozen life-sized figures stood in the room. A bloody nun. A clown missing half its head. A white-clad ghost hanging from the chandelier. And a zombie bride holding her own head. All discarded Halloween wax figures. Cassandra's smile froze. Her lips twitched downward. "Freaks... are you fucking freaks?! Who fills a room with life-sized creepy wax figures?!" I peeked out from behind Caspian, looking clueless. "Are these the thugs Miss Cassandra was talking about?" Seraphina's tears fell right on cue. "I'm pregnant..." She backed away, clutching her belly, her voice trembling perfectly. "She accused me of hiring attackers in front of all the elders... Caspian, what did I do wrong?" Caspian pulled her into his arms. She buried her face in his chest, turned her head slightly, and gave me a thumbs-up. Beautiful. Caspian looked up. His voice was cold, like the back of a blade against a throat. "Cassandra. Tonight is a family dinner. Three elders are sitting downstairs. Tell me, what is this?" "It's not my fault! They set me up!" Cassandra stomped frantically, her heels digging holes into the carpet. "I have proof! I have proof!" She snatched the tablet from the butler, her fingers trembling as she pulled up the security footage. On the screen, I was holding her wine glass. My sleeve flicked, and my wrist brushed lightly over the rim. "Look! She poisoned my drink!" Cassandra’s voice cracked. "She’s trying to kill me! Caspian, look closely!" The crowd gasped. Seraphina pinched me under her sleeve. I sighed, pulled a tiny plastic bottle from my pocket, and held it high so everyone could see the cartoon ghost face on it. "Party joke shop, $9.99." I lowered my head. "My little brother's toy. It sprays a rotten egg smell, fades in ten minutes. I admit, I was petty. Miss Cassandra was stealing the spotlight tonight, so I just wanted to play a prank on her." Caspian gave a look. A bodyguard took the glass and tested it with strips and pens. "Boss, no poison." Suddenly, a stench of rotten eggs and sewage exploded in the hallway. The closest elder dry-heaved on the spot. Caspian’s eyes went dead. "Over a ten-dollar gag spray. You crash my dinner. You kick in my door. And you insult my woman in front of the elders?" "Caspian, listen to me—" "She is carrying my flesh and blood." He cut her off. "If anything happened to her tonight, how would you pay for it? With your bankrupt Viti family mess?" "Drag her out." Two guards grabbed her arms and dragged her away. "Aria! I know it was you! I won't let you get away with this—" The door shut. Peace and quiet at last. I did the math in my head. Seraphina gave me $50,000 to ruin Cassandra. Murder and assault were so expensive. And too brutal. Scaring her off was enough. My brother's stink spray: $0. Clearance sale at a bankrupt Halloween warehouse in South Side Chicago, over a dozen wax figures plus shipping: $1,000. Net profit: over $48,000. Nice. The moment the elevator doors closed, Seraphina's tears vanished completely. "Great job!" She laughed under her breath. "She kicked the door herself, she humiliated herself, and now Caspian doesn't even want to look at her." She grabbed my hand. Her fingertips were freezing. "Aria, you're the only one I trust in this world. Whatever money I get from this family in the future, we split 50/50." "Stop, don't let it go to my head." "Hold that thought." She pulled a crisp check from her clutch and slapped it into my palm. I looked down and counted the zeros. $50,000. Seraphina stroked her belly, smiling gently and harmlessly. "Next week is the family dinner hosted by the Donna, the supreme matriarch. Use this money to make her humiliate herself in front of the whole family again. Brutally." Chapter 2 "Aria, do you know what a Donna is?" Seraphina tossed the tablet in front of me. On the screen was a photo of Cassandra playing Chopin at a family charity gala. White dress, black piano. The old lady sat in the front row, smiling so wide her wrinkles bloomed like a flower. "The de Santis family has only cared about one thing for three hundred years: Tradition." Her nails tapped the desk. "Whoever wins the old lady's heart becomes the next Donna, the supreme matriarch." "You're pregnant," I said. "The kid will be born a de Santis. Will it take my last name?" She sneered. "Last week, the old lady said in front of seven elders—'If Seraphina doesn't shape up, send her back to where she came from.'" I gasped. "Cassandra is a Viti daughter. Learned piano at six, entered the conservatory at twelve, speaks Italian better than the Pope." Seraphina turned pale. "And me? I cross myself wrong at Holy Name mass." She grabbed my hands. Her eyes were genuinely red. "She's playing the piano at next week's dinner. Aria, listen to me about that fifty grand. Twenty grand to bribe a servant to spill a whole glass of red wine on her. Twenty grand to bribe a cleaner to oil the stairs she walks up. Do whatever with the remaining ten. I want her to break her precious neck in front of the whole family." She looked at me, her eyes full of trust. "I only trust you with this." I stayed silent for three seconds. "Relax," I said. "Leave it to me." That night, I deposited $49,990 into my secret stash. It wasn't that I didn't want to do it. I just did the math. Bribe a servant? They might snitch. Oil the stairs? Might not be fatal, and leaves evidence. The worst part? It's expensive. The stage to get wine spilled on was given by the old lady. The stairs to slip on were given by the old lady. If the old lady didn't show up, Cassandra was nothing. I went to the pharmacy and bought a bottle of Ipecac syrup. Ten bucks. On the night of the dinner, the estate was brightly lit. Cassandra arrived first. A burgundy gown. The emerald necklace on her neck was heavy enough to choke a man. She walked past me with champagne, stopped, and looked me up and down. "Miss Wax Figure." She smirked. "Tonight, I've prepared the Revolutionary Etude. The old lady's favorite. After this piece, your pregnant little friend can pack her bags." "Break a leg," I smiled with genuine sincerity. Seraphina sat in the corner, palms sweating. "Where's the servant?" She whispered. "Where's the wine?" "Chill." Eight o'clock. The old lady's seat was empty. Eight-thirty. Still empty. Cassandra's fingers kept tapping her knees, neck stretched long, eyes glued to the staircase. Nine o'clock. The butler announced dinner. The old lady still hadn't shown. Cassandra shot up from her seat. "Where's Nonna? She promised to hear me play!" Nobody answered her. Seraphina pinched my thigh under the table. "What's going on? Where are your people? Where's the oil?" I gave a sheepish smile. "I thought bribing servants was a waste of money." I whispered. "Ten-dollar Ipecac syrup. Solved it at the root." Seraphina's face cracked. "You put what into whose cup?!" "The old lady's afternoon tea." "Aria, are you fucking in—" A scream came from upstairs. A maid stumbled down the stairs. "Something's wrong with the old lady! In the third-floor bathroom! She threw up and passed out!" The whole table sprang up. Cassandra was the first to rush up, hiking her dress to her knees, heels clicking faster than anyone else's. "Nonna! I'm coming! Hang in there, Nonna—" She pushed the bathroom door open. Then she bounced back three steps and hit the wall. A sour, rotten stench—like a Chicago dumpster in July—hit us like a brick wall. The old lady was slumped by the sink, ashen-faced. Her expensive silk nightgown, the marble floor, the walls... it was a total disaster zone, covered in nauseating vomit. Cassandra covered her mouth, dry-heaving twice till tears came out. "God... oh my God..." She backed away, waving her hands. "Get... get a doctor! Get the nanny! Somebody come quickly! How can I be expected to—" Before she could finish her "expected to do this as a guest" sentence. The old lady's cloudy eyes looked up and saw the absolute disgust on her face. Dead silence. I grabbed Seraphina's arm and shoved her toward the door. "Here's your chance! Go!" Chapter 3 Seraphina didn't hesitate for a second. With her pregnant belly, she dropped to her knees right into the mess and pulled the old lady's head into her arms. "Nonna, don't be afraid. I'm here." She took off her shawl and slid it under the old woman's head. Using warm water, she gently wiped the old lady's face and body clean, changed her into a fresh nightgown, and scrubbed the dirty floor three times over. She didn't even flinch. The elders crowding the door were speechless. Cassandra stood at the end of the hall, covering her nose, pale as a ghost. "She's pregnant..." one elder murmured. "And she knelt on a floor like that." The old lady weakly grasped Seraphina's hand. Two lines of tears rolled from her cloudy eyes. "Child... whoever stays by your side at your most humiliating moment, you remember them for a lifetime." Three days later, the old lady summoned the whole family to the grand hall. She slid a ring off her bony finger. Black onyx, engraved with the de Santis family crest. "My mother-in-law gave this to me." She slipped it onto Seraphina's finger in front of everyone. "From today on, she is a part of this family." Cassandra stood in the crowd, her nails digging into her palms. That night, Seraphina shoved a $100,000 check into my bag. "The ring is appraised at a hundred grand. The cash is yours," she said casually. "Aria, without you, I'd be on a Greyhound bus back to the country right now." I clutched the check, my hands shaking with guilt. A ten-dollar bottle of puking syrup for a hundred grand. My conscience hurt. So I turned around and spent $150,000 to custom-order an Italian handmade crib for her. Down fifty grand. Now I could sleep at night. Cassandra wasn't dead. She was desperate. Three weeks later, Seraphina slid her phone over to me. A yacht rental receipt. Saturday night, Lake Michigan, a whole-night charter. "She invited Caspian." Seraphina's voice was calm. "Used some old business between the Viti and de Santis families as an excuse." "You need to charter a yacht all night to talk business?" "She wants to make it a done deal." Seraphina sneered. "She checked her calendar. She’s ovulating that day. If she gets knocked up, the de Santis family will have two kids. The old lady's ring might not be enough to protect me." She pulled out $100,000 in cash. "By any means necessary. Don't let her touch him." I took the cash and went home. Tearfully pocketing a $90,000 profit. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend it. I actually did the math. What can a hundred grand do? Hire a hitman? Blow up the yacht? Blowing up a boat on the lake would make the news. I made a list. $9,500 to bribe a deckhand named Mario. His mom needed knee surgery and was short nine grand. $500 to rent a catering uniform and a fake ID to get myself on board. $46 for the strongest prescription sleeping pills from the pharmacy. Saturday night, the lake was perfectly calm. Cassandra wore a practically non-existent black silk slip dress, leaning against the deck railing. "Caspian, why not give it a try?" Her fingers traced down his shirt. "What can Seraphina give you? A bastard child? She even holds her fork backward when eating French food." Caspian didn't push her away. I walked over with a tray, keeping my head down. "Sir, your whiskey." He took it and downed it in one gulp. Cassandra glanced at me, totally not recognizing me with my mask on. "Get lost," she snapped. I got lost. I crouched by the stairs and started the timer. Eleven minutes. Cassandra's voice drifted from the deck, soft and urgent. "Caspian... it's just the two of us tonight..." Then a thud. Followed by— "Zzz... snore..." I peeked out. The most terrifying Don in the Chicago underworld was sprawled on his back on a deck chair, mouth wide open, snoring like a freight train. Cassandra was straddling his lap, dress straps slipped to her elbows, totally frozen. "Caspian?" She patted his cheek. "Caspian! Wake up!" Mario bolted out from the cabin. "Miss! The boss had too much to drink! It's dangerous to be on a boat like this!" He hoisted Caspian over his shoulder, moving like the boat was on fire. "What are you doing! Put him down!" "We must dock immediately! If something happens to him, can you take the blame, Miss Viti?" The yacht roared and spun around. Cassandra chased them in five-inch heels, tripped on her hem, and ate the deck. At the pier, Seraphina's car was already waiting. The backseat door was open. Mario shoved Caspian inside and slammed the door. Holding onto the railing, hair a mess and makeup half ruined from crying, Cassandra watched the car speed away into the night. She let out a piercing scream into the night sky. The next morning, Seraphina poured me coffee at the breakfast table. She was in a robe, her belly showing clearly now. "He slept in my bed last night." She slowly stirred her coffee. "First thing he asked when he woke up was if the baby kicked." "Happy ending," I said. "No." She put down her spoon. "Aria, I figured something out. As long as he can still have kids, there will always be another Cassandra, and another. I can stop them once, but not forever." She looked up, pulled a check from the drawer, and slid it across to me. One million. "I want to make sure Caspian can never have another child for the rest of his life." Chapter 4 I sat at home with that one-million-dollar check for three days. I racked my brain and finally figured it out. To sterilize a mafia Don, there are three options. One, bribe his personal doctor to drug him. But his doc has been with him for seventeen years, and the doc's son works under him. Two, hire a hitman to snip him. But no hitman in Chicago would dare take a hit on a de Santis. Even if they did, they’d snitch to him immediately. Three, I do it myself. I would die. All three paths led to the same destination: my death. What Seraphina really wanted wasn't Caspian's sterilization. It was for him to never touch another woman. That was easy. I stashed $900,000 into my piggy bank and kept $100,000. Then I hit up a modeling agency in North City. The male model was Luca, twenty-four, 6'3", jawline sharp enough to cut glass. I handed him a hundred grand in cash and a photo of Caspian. "Follow him. Make him notice you." "That's it?" "That's it." I made sure to warn him: "No touching. No crossing the line with your words. Just let him know that a man is checking him out." Luca took the cash, his eyes sparkling. I was very satisfied. A hundred grand to buy out a man's future with all women. What a steal. Four days later, I got a call from Seraphina. She was crying. "Aria, get to the hospital!" When I barged into the room, Caspian was in bed, pale as paper. The doctor stood at the foot of the bed holding an X-ray. "Severe blunt force trauma to the lower region, hematoma, torn vas deferens." The doctor paused. "Mr. de Santis, I have to be honest—your chances of having children in the future are close to zero." Dead silence in the room. Caspian looked up. For the first time in my life, I saw the Godfather of the Chicago underworld cry. He grabbed Seraphina's hand, wrapped his arms around her waist, and buried his face in her pregnant belly. "Seraphina..." His voice shook. "This is my only child." "Caspian..." "We're having the wedding next month." He choked out. "For the rest of my life, it'll just be you and the baby." Seraphina wiped her tears, looking over his shoulder at me. She looked at me like I was a god. But I was completely frozen. This was not my plan. My plan did not involve stairs. "How did he fall?" I whispered to a bodyguard. "Underground parking, B2." The guard lowered his voice. "Some guy followed the boss the whole way. The boss looked back once, then... bolted for the fire exit. Ran too fast and missed a whole flight of stairs." My temples throbbed. I hired a model, not a serial killer. The hospital door was kicked open. Cassandra stood in the doorway, dragging someone by the collar. Luca. Luca's face was half swollen, blood on his lips. "Caspian!" Cassandra threw him to the floor. "You think your fall was an accident?!" She pointed at me, her finger shaking, eyes full of hate. "Aria paid for this man! With Seraphina's money! One whole million!" She pulled a stack of printouts from her bag and slammed them onto the bed. "Bank transfers! Dates, amounts, down to the cent! They wanted to end your bloodline! If you can't have another child, the one in her belly is the only heir—the entire de Santis empire would belong to them!" You could hear a pin drop in the room. Caspian slowly let go of Seraphina. He leaned back against the pillows, his eyes turning ice-cold. "Seraphina." "No, Caspian, I didn't—" "You get one chance." He cut her off, his voice terrifyingly flat. "Tell the truth now. If I have to find out myself..." He glanced at her belly. "I won't even keep this child." Seraphina lost all color in her face. She grabbed my arm, nails digging into my flesh, tears streaming down her face. "Aria... say something... Aria..." I opened my mouth. I skimmed 900 grand out of a million. Used the remaining 100k to hire a guy to seduce him. How the hell do I explain that? Cassandra yanked Luca up from the floor, shoving his head toward the bed. "Speak!" Her voice was shrill. "Tell him exactly how much they paid you and what they wanted you to do! Word for word! Otherwise, there'll be a new concrete body at the bottom of the Chicago River tonight!" Luca knelt on the floor, shoulders trembling nonstop. He looked at Caspian, then at me, his eyes darting around. "Miss Aria... she did give me some money..." He swallowed hard. "But it was so I could..."