Knowing the Vast World, I Still Cherish Green Grass

That one sentence seemed to pierce his heart. He grabbed my wrist, his eyes red with fury. "What nonsense are you talking about? I'm trying to help you!" "Help me?" I almost laughed out loud, and shook his hand off again. I reached the door and was about to rush out when he called after me. "Rowena! You're in terrible shape right now. If you go out like this, you'll collapse!" I pretended not to hear him and walked out anyway. I reached out and pressed my hand tight against my stomach. Blood ran out from between my fingers. The pain was so bad I was going numb. As I walked out through the hospital gates, raindrops fell on my face. I remembered the first time I met Luther. On the day school let out, he took out his umbrella, held it over my head, and bent down to gently wipe my face. "Rowena? I'm your new driver." The moment I looked up and saw him, I was lost in him for a long time. I knelt before my parents and forced them to let me marry Luther. His family was poor, and I lifted him up into the world. Not long after we married, his older brother passed away, and his dying wish was that Luther take good care of his wife. I never imagined Luther would handle everything so completely. He could even think through something as small as having a child. His love for Dorothy—I'd always seen it. I just never knew he would go this far for her. It was already night by the time I got home. I pushed open the door and, too weak to stand, fainted. When I woke, it was a faint rubbing at the corner of my eye that woke me. I opened my eyes, and Luther was as gentle as ever. "Did you have a nightmare? Why are you crying?" Looking at his hypocritical face, I actually felt like laughing. "Luther, do you think this is fun? What was the point of marrying me?" He watched me stand up and frowned slightly. "Rowena, what kind of joke is this? I've told you, I'm only taking care of my brother's wife." I didn't want to hear him anymore, so I just covered my ears. The moment I looked up, Dorothy walked in from outside the door. She looked at me, then dropped to her knees in front of me with a thud, crying uncontrollably. "Rowena, I'm sorry. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be like this now." "When I married Robin, I always longed for the day we'd have a child. That's why Luther resorted to this." Before I could open my mouth, Dorothy suddenly clutched her stomach. She reached out and, as if it were the most natural thing, took Luther's hand. I don't know what Dorothy whispered in his ear, but the two of them walked out. I just shook my head helplessly. In the middle of the night, heavy panting woke me. The sound was coming from Dorothy's bedroom. I pushed open Dorothy's door and saw the two of them lying naked on the bed. Dorothy reached out, placed her hand on Luther's stomach, and slid it downward. Her shrill laughter pierced my ears: "Didn't you say you'd keep her company tonight? How did you end up in my bed again?" Luther curled his lips and gently brushed the tip of her nose. "Weren't you the one who said you'd been lonely lately? I came, and now you're not happy about it?" "Rowena just had surgery. She needs her rest." Tears slid from the corners of my eyes before I knew it. Their words from a moment ago still echoed in my ears. I covered my ears, unwilling to listen anymore. I turned and ran out. Late that night, Luther sent me a message, but I never even turned on my phone. I don't know how long I sat outside the door before dawn finally came. A voice made me lift my head. "Rowena, aren't you going to file for divorce yet?"

Dorothy was watching me with a smirk curling on her lips. She slowly stood up and gently touched my belly. "Your belly hasn't shown a single sign, has it? Not like me—I'm already carrying Luther's child." I frowned at her, somewhat shocked. "Dorothy, you're already pregnant with his child, so why are you still tormenting me!" Her hand moved harder, gripping my stomach with force. The place that had been stitched suddenly split open. It hurt so much I nearly cried. I looked at Dorothy, gritted my teeth, and shoved her hard. The woman fell heavily to the ground, crying out in pain. The pain nearly made me faint. I lay on the ground, panting hard. Finally I couldn't hold back, and lowered my head to spit out a mouthful of blood. Dorothy wailed up at the sky, calling out Luther's name over and over. The next second, Luther came rushing out from inside. Seeing this scene, he ran straight to Dorothy's side, leaving me off to one side instead. "Are you all right?" She slowly opened her eyes, and the sight of Luther was like a lifeline to her. The woman reached out and, crying, pulled him tightly into her arms. "Luther, it was my fault. Robin is gone. I shouldn't have kept clinging to the two of you." "Rowena is right. I'm just an unwanted widow. I should go and die with him." As she spoke, her hand gently touched her own belly. Then she gave a cold laugh and said: "This child shouldn't have been born either, and certainly not in my belly." "If that's how it is, then I'll take him with me and die!" Before I could get a word out, Dorothy suddenly stood up and ran toward the road. Luther and I sprang up, meaning to stop her. But out of nowhere a large truck came barreling straight at her. With a thud, she went down on the ground. Ignoring my safety, the moment Luther ran over he shoved me hard to the ground. All I heard was my own cry of pain. The brick and tile scraped the skin off my arm. Over on the other side, blood dripped down Dorothy's thigh drop by drop, and she passed out completely. The driver still didn't stop the truck; instead he swerved around them and drove straight off. This was the first time I'd ever seen Luther so heartbroken. His tears fell drop by drop onto Dorothy's face as he threw his head back and cried out: "Dorothy, how could you be so foolish!" "My brother is gone, but you still have me. I think of you as family." His hands trembled as he pulled out his phone and dialed for an ambulance. In the gap while we waited for the ambulance, Luther lifted his eyes to me. Our eyes met, and yet I felt he was full of hostility toward me. "Rowena, do you find this fun?" "My brother is gone. I know your body all too well—you'll never be able to have a child in this life." "His wife is pregnant. Are you really that jealous?!" I laughed. He actually made cheating sound so trivial. My husband, going off to have a child with someone else. And I was supposed to be happy? The man raised his hand, pointing at the truck that had just driven past, his voice growing angrier: "Even that big truck was sent by you, wasn't it!" "Rowena, you are nothing but a vicious woman!" I turned my head, smiled faintly, and slowly stood up, bracing myself against the wall. Then I walked up to the two of them. "Luther, so you think all of this was arranged by me?"

"Isn't that right? You've been hostile toward Dorothy from the very beginning. I refuse to believe she'd try to kill herself!" I didn't want to argue with him anymore, so I just took out my phone and sent a text to the police. The sound of an ambulance reached my ears. Luther gripped my hand hard, the pain so bad it felt like he was about to crush my bones. "Rowena, you bear responsibility for this too. You have to come to the hospital with me!" He forced me into the car. Since he was the hospital director, the nurses in the car all treated Dorothy with great respect. First aid was given on the way, and we arrived at the hospital in no time. This time, once again, it was Luther who performed her surgery. I just sat outside, staring out the window. I don't know how much time passed, but the light finally went out. The first person I saw wasn't Dorothy—it was Luther. He came toward me with a grim face, grabbed my wrist, and spoke in a harsh voice, like an interrogation: "Dorothy lost too much blood. You almost killed her, so we have to take your blood!" I looked up at him in disbelief. Had he forgotten so quickly that I'd just come out of surgery myself, that he had personally told me to rest? And now he wanted me to give blood to his patient. The last trace of desire I had for him vanished completely. I tried to pull my hand away, but I couldn't shake him off no matter what. Luther only gripped harder. I looked up, and all the emotions I'd been holding down inside finally broke loose. "Enough!" I screamed. "Luther, you and I are the ones who are husband and wife—so why do you keep senselessly rushing to her side!" Luther's face showed nothing at all. He dragged me into the emergency room. Looking at her flat stomach, I knew her baby was already gone. Before I could react, Luther pulled me over to him, picked up a syringe, and had someone hold me down hard. In an instant, my stomach churned with a tangle of feelings. My chest was so tight I felt like I was going to be sick. I grabbed Luther's hand at once, a note of pleading in my voice: "Just let me go, please. I really never mistreated her." "That truck driver had to be someone she hired herself." "Still lying!" Luther snapped, cutting me off. Then he jabbed the needle deep into my vein. It hurt so much I cried out on the spot. Blood slowly seeped from the stitched wound on my stomach. I forced out a sob. But he thought I was faking the pain. "Rowena, even now you still won't tell the truth. Are you going to wait until your sister-in-law is dead before you're satisfied?!" He almost made me laugh with rage. Tube after tube of blood was drawn out of my body. Every trace of color drained from my face. Still, I gave Luther a bitter smile: "When she wakes up, I promise I'll confront her right then and there!" He didn't care about my safety in the slightest—he just turned around and transfused the blood he'd taken into Dorothy's body. Dorothy and I were assigned to the same ward. Luther kept holding Dorothy's hand, pressing it to his face, murmuring sorry over and over into her ear. I just closed my eyes, wanting to rest a little. I don't know how much time had passed before I was woken by shouting outside the door. I turned my head and saw several police officers standing in the doorway. Luther pointed at them and cursed at the top of his voice: "You're disturbing the patients' rest in here—get out, now!" He had never defended me like this in front of anyone. Maybe this time, too, it was only because of Dorothy. The officer simply asked the people in the ward: "Which one of you is Rowena Simmons?" "We've already arrested the truck driver."