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The Sense of Security You Can't Give, Someone Else Can
NovelShort
Completed
I'm badly short on security. After we started dating, I sent Samuel my location share every single day. And I had to get a reply, or the insecurity would trigger my anxiety. My boyfriend could reply on time twenty-four hours a day. Rest easy, baby. I know now. Waiting for you to come home. Have a good trip. That security cured me of my fear of marriage, and I put on the million-dollar wedding gown I'd designed myself and married him.
Chapters (4)
第1章
I have a desperate lack of security, so after we started dating, I sent Samuel my location every day.
And I had to get his reply, or the anxiety from that missing sense of security would take over.
My boyfriend always replied promptly, twenty-four hours a day.
Don't worry, baby, your husband knows.
Waiting for you to come home. Enjoy the trip.
That sense of security cured my fear of marriage, and I married him in a million-dollar wedding gown I'd designed myself.
At three in the morning on our wedding night, I picked up my phone to check the time but my hand slipped, and I sent him my location.
The next second, his reply came in.
Your husband wishes you safety. Come home soon.
He was asleep right there on the pillow beside me, right after we'd been tangled together in passion.
I held my breath and unlocked the phone with his fingerprint.
And I saw the message his female coworker had sent him.
"Once is enough, don't wear yourself out. Remember to come find me during the day, the usual place."
"It's settled, you're going on the honeymoon with me. I've already put in for time off."
"I'll set up your automated reply during the day."
My heart began to pound wildly, and I pressed a hand to my chest.
My sense of security dropped to zero, and in its place came the anxiety...
1
I gasped painfully for air.
I stumbled toward the cabinet, tripping several times along the way.
Finally I got the drawer open, took out my medication, and swallowed three pills dry.
Sleepiness came fast, and I lay down on the bed and quickly sank into sleep.
When the cold woke me, it was already past ten.
But I was lying on the carpet, with no blanket over me.
Samuel was nowhere to be found.
I opened his wardrobe and found that the suit he'd had made a week ago was gone.
With trembling hands, I dialed Samuel's number.
"Cara, I woke up this morning and saw you sleeping so soundly, so I didn't disturb you."
"Weren't you supposed to leave on a business trip today?"
He kept his voice low, trying to sound calm, but that little catch in his breath couldn't get past my ears.
I opened my mouth, my voice hoarse.
"Yes, I'm leaving on the trip soon."
There were a few seconds of silence on the other end, then that indescribable rustling sound came through again.
This was only the second day of our marriage, and his true nature was already showing.
"Mm, send me your location whenever you're out, and I'll reply right away."
"Hanging up now, I'm busy with work."
Beep. The sound of the call ending came sharp and quick.
I stood frozen in place, and my phone slipped from my strengthless palm and fell to the floor.
Why?
I curled up in the corner searching for a sense of security, but my body shook harder and harder.
Once the pills stopped holding it back, my limbs went stiff, and even picking up my phone was a struggle.
It took three minutes before I could pin the phone between both hands and dial 911.
I have a severe lack of security. Without it, my worst anxiety disorder flares up, and my limbs start to stiffen.
I had to get to the hospital as fast as possible for electroshock treatment.
In the moment before the shock, I sent Samuel the hospital's location through my tears.
His reply came in instantly: My darling wife, it's the second day of our marriage, I miss you.
It was different from the old automated replies.
That woman must have set up a new reply for him.
I gritted my teeth and sent him a voice message for the first time.
"Samuel, I'm at the hospital seeing a doctor. I'm not on a business trip."
Again the reply came in a second later: Baby, your husband's waiting for you, love you, come home soon.
I used to only ever send him my location.
Anything else, I'd video call him or just call him directly.
I never imagined that something other than a location could still get me a reply this carefully designed.
Trembling, I sent another message.
"Samuel, I'm sick. I'm alone at the hospital. There's no one with me."
第2章
A reply came back instantly, at the very same frequency.
Babe, my baby, I'll always keep you feeling safe. Be careful on the road.
In that moment, I was utterly disappointed in Samuel.
My limbs stiffened beyond my control.
My heart would stop dead, then race.
The doctor went straight to the fastest-acting treatment on me, electroshock therapy.
Voltage surged through my body, and I convulsed, sick to my stomach, fighting the urge to throw up.
No one knew that the Four Seasons Hotel stood right across from the window of this operating room, or that it was the very location his female coworker had sent him.
Right now they were probably inside it, holding each other, tangled up in a frenzy.
The agony of the shocks made fragments of memory flash through my mind.
A year ago, I met Samuel through an online game.
Our personalities clicked, so we got the idea to meet.
On my way to the meetup, I was seized by a stranger and locked in a pitch-dark, dim room for a full day and night.
Cold and terror ate away at every one of my senses.
When I finally got out, I was in a daze, my sense of safety completely gone.
I couldn't stop thinking about that dark, damp room, and it left me with constant nightmares.
It was a shadow I couldn't shake.
Samuel didn't know what I'd been through, and he asked me helplessly online.
"Why did you stand me up on our first meeting?"
"I waited for you a whole afternoon."
Seeing how hurt he looked, I told him the whole story of being tied up.
I made a joke of it—that trying to meet him had brought disaster down on me, that I'd lost my sense of security, had nightmares every night, and had started taking anti-anxiety medication.
After hearing that, Samuel vanished without a trace.
I called, I texted, I went online to reach him.
He'd disappeared off the face of the earth, and I was on edge, my heart pounding, curled up in misery, hiding in a safe corner.
For three days straight I didn't eat, drink, or sleep, and my condition only got worse.
Three days later, Samuel stumbled his way to me.
That was the first time we met in person, and he smelled of blood.
His arms, his back, his thighs—all injured.
In some places the skin was split open, the bone showing through.
I gripped his arms and asked through tears, "What happened?"
"How did you get hurt this badly?"
He was young, over six feet tall, with a striking presence—even better looking than on our video calls.
Wounded like that, he had a battle-worn kind of beauty, and I was captivated almost at first sight.
Samuel smiled and rested his chin on my shoulder.
A warm breath brushed across my cheek.
"It's fine. I gave the guy who tied you up a beating. Payback for you."
My heart raced—not from the illness this time, but because I was moved.
That uncontrollable flutter made me fall hopelessly in love with him in that instant.
I threw my arms around him, choking up.
"Thank you, thank you."
After what happened to me, I'd tried so many things and none of them worked—the man who did it apologized and that was the end of it.
I never expected that Samuel, just an online friend of mine, would go and win justice for me.
He wiped the corners of my eyes, brushing my tears away, and said, half laughing, half sighing, "Silly girl, what are you thanking me for?"
"You said you lacked a sense of security. From now on, I'll give it to you."
"Just stay with me, and I'll come whenever you call."
In that moment my sense of safety overflowed—a satisfaction I'd never felt before.
I never imagined that the whole time he was with me, he was also seeing his female coworker.
Swearing his devotion to me on one side while carrying on a heartsick affair with his coworker on the other.
The shards of memory hurt worse than my body under the electric shocks.
When I opened my eyes again, it was already evening.
The phone suddenly rang. Weakly, I reached out and tapped to answer.
"Honey, are you away on a business trip?"
"Perfect timing—I'm working overtime tonight. Enjoy your trip."
If he'd shown me even a little concern, he would have heard me moaning in pain. My body really was in agony.
But he didn't hear it. He just hung up.
I took ten minutes to steady myself, then called him back.
第3章
The phone rang for a long time, almost cutting off, before he finally picked up.
His voice, still carrying that excited, happy lilt, seeped into my eardrums and struck through every inch of me.
"Honey, is there something else?"
I couldn't help gasping and coughing, unable to get out a single word for a long moment.
Samuel waited a while, then said, "If your throat's bothering you, drink more honey water."
"Honey, I'm going to hang up now, bye-bye."
The line went to a dead tone. He knew perfectly well how insecure I was.
He'd seen me gasping for breath before—how could he hang up so fast?
What was I even hoping for?
The phone went cold in my palm. I stared at the screen for ten minutes, until it went dark and turned reflective, and only then did I realize I was crying.
I threw off the covers and got out of bed, standing barefoot on the floor, and I didn't feel cold at all.
Step by step, I walked from the fifth floor up to the eighth, and stood on the rooftop.
Looking across at the Four Seasons Hotel.
The hotel was brightly lit, and one balcony with a camera flash going off caught my eye.
There were several people on the balcony, and a tall man with his back to me was holding a slender woman.
The people around them cheered loudly, "Kiss her, kiss her!"
Across the busy stream of traffic, I could faintly hear their voices.
A moment later the speakers started up: "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you."
Samuel set the girl down and personally placed a birthday party hat on the woman's head.
They leaned into each other on the carefully decorated balcony, celebrating the birthday, laughing and fooling around.
I stood barefoot on the hospital rooftop, in the darkness, listening to their unforgettable night.
As the two of them shared an unforgettable kiss, I casually snapped a photo.
I turned around and sent it straight to Samuel, and the reply came in an instant: My dear wife, stay safe.
Ridiculous, laughable. Those few words gradually warped in front of me, turning into a gaping, bloody mouth.
I took a deep breath and posted the photo to my social media feed.
Cara Swanson, who are these two kissing?
Judging by the man's back, it kind of looks like Samuel? But Samuel loves you so much, it can't possibly be him.
A short while later, someone sent me a private message.
"Is that really your husband? He was willing to stay single and risk everything for you back then. Did you cheat on him, so now he's getting back at you the same way?"
Their guesswork and suspicions didn't stir up much of anything in me.
In that moment, I was numb like never before. All that insecurity and anxiety seemed to have melted into every inch of me.
I gripped my phone and silently watched the balcony across the way.
Ten minutes passed like that before Samuel called me.
I didn't answer a single one.
Ten calls in a row.
Then, ten more minutes later, he finally sent me a message.
He must have seen the photo I took, and those ridiculous replies too.
A voice message came through, his voice trembling.
"Honey, where are you?"
"Why would you send me a photo like that?"
"That's not me in the photo at all."
He was afraid I'd found out, and he'd lie his way through it too—as long as he denied it was him, he'd be in the clear.
How could it not be him?
I answered numbly, "Fine, I understand."
"Then come back soon, I'll get some food ready for you." This time he didn't hang up so quickly.
I was silent for a moment. "Okay, I'll be back soon."
After hanging up, I went back to my hospital room and tidied myself up, put on some makeup.
Then I got dressed, put on my shoes, and went to the suite at the hotel across the street.
When I knocked on the door, I wasn't nervous. I was steady, numb.
Knock, knock, knock. After a few knocks, the door opened.
"Cara Swanson?"
第4章
The person who opened the door was a woman: Andrea Tanner.
I'd seen her before at one of their office gatherings—a very tall, flashy woman with real presence.
The moment our eyes met, her expression went from delight to visible shock.
I smiled and said gently, "Ms. Tanner, were you still thinking I was the surprise gift about to arrive?"
Andrea gave an awkward smile. "No, you've got it wrong, ma'am."
She called me the boss's wife easily enough.
I opened my phone and read a few of the replies aloud, right in front of her.
Honey, stay safe. I'll be waiting for you to come home.
Honey, have a good business trip. Love, your husband.
Honey, I miss you. I want to see you soon.
Andrea's face went from embarrassed to deathly pale, and she stood frozen in front of me.
I lowered my phone and looked at the woman, who was about my height.
I let out a soft laugh. "May I come in?"
Andrea didn't step aside for me; she stayed on full guard, blocking my way.
"Today is my birthday. You can't come in. I have nothing to do with you."
I said, in a joking tone, "But I think I hear my husband's voice. He's inside too."
Andrea snapped, "You're talking nonsense. It's not true."
I wasn't leaving until I saw Samuel with my own eyes.
I tried to slip past her, and Andrea suddenly shoved me hard.
My body, still reeling from the electric shock, couldn't take her force. I slammed against the doorframe, pain shooting through my whole body, and I winced.
When I looked at Andrea again, Samuel was already standing in front of her, glaring at me in a protective stance.
"Cara Swanson, if you have a problem, take it up with me."
"Giving her a hard time—what's that supposed to prove? I own what I've done."
The man who wouldn't admit anything a moment ago was suddenly so brave.
He wasn't flustered, wasn't embarrassed—the very picture of a real man.
I held back my weakness and spoke to them politely. "May I come in and sit for a bit? Just a moment, I won't keep you long."
Andrea lowered her head in embarrassment.
Samuel was quiet for a moment, then stepped aside to let me in.
The other people on the balcony said nothing. The whole place was dead silent.
I found a comfortable spot and sat down, my politeness completely out of place there.
"Everyone, carry on doing whatever you were doing. After all, it's someone's birthday today."
"Don't think that just because I'm here, it's going to affect anything for you."
That was the honest truth, without the slightest pretense.
I'd made myself perfectly clear, so why was Samuel unhappy?
He sat across from me with a frown, his face grim, his voice cold too.
"Cara Swanson, don't be so snide."
"If you hadn't held that favor over me back then, I never would have dated you or married you."
"You said you were framed when you met me, that it left you insecure and anxious, and it put a lot of pressure on me."
I nodded and picked up his line without hesitation.
"So, the one you've always liked was your coworker, Andrea Tanner?"
So they wouldn't think I'd come here on purpose to start something.
My eyes were sincere, my voice soft, without a trace of breaking down.
After all, I'd already broken down back when the shock hit me.
No hurt is worse than the pain in your own body.
Samuel was stunned for a long moment. He didn't answer me directly, and Andrea flashed a toothy smile.
"Stop joking. Today is my birthday."
Birthdays mean gifts, and I'd prepared mine long ago. I opened the delivery app to check the courier's location.
The courier had already reached the hotel entrance.
"I've got a gift here that all of you are going to love."
I stood up and opened the hotel room door, and the "surprise" I had for them had arrived too...
