You Chose Secrecy, I Chase the Light

On my wedding day, the wedding car dropped me off at the service entrance beside the dumpsters behind the reception hall. Mark Perrette opened the door beside me and issued the same familiar order. “Go through the back. I’ll take Kat through the main entrance. That way, none of our coworkers will find out.” Before I could respond, he sped off with Katrina Palmer. He left me standing alone in a puddle of filthy runoff with my wedding dress bunched in my hands. It was the ninety-ninth time Mark had left me behind to keep anyone from suspecting we were together. We had kept our relationship secret for eight years. He claimed that an office romance would damage my reputation, so he used his female best friend, Katrina, as his cover for everything. On company retreats, he let Katrina sit in his passenger seat and left me to ride a bus for ten hours, only to arrive just as they were preparing to head home. When my project succeeded, he promoted Katrina, a member of my team, while I, the most experienced person there, was reduced to reporting to her. Even our wedding invitations bore Katrina’s name, leaving me with no official place in his life after eight years together. I had honestly believed he had done it all for my sake. However, after making my way through the filthy service corridor with my dress covered in grime, I arrived with only five minutes to spare before the ceremony. Instead, I found Mark with his arm around Katrina, leading her to the altar where I was supposed to be standing. They said “I do” in unison as our coworkers erupted into cheers. “Our favorite couple is finally tying the knot!” “The couple we’ve all been rooting for is finally together!” At that moment, everything became clear. For eight years, Mark had insisted on hiding our relationship, but I was the one he really wanted to hide. Fine. I would give him exactly what he wanted and step aside for good while he openly chose her. The music began again. The officiant announced that it was time to exchange rings. Mark spotted me and shifted awkwardly. He angled his body away as he held out the ring. I simply smiled and stepped out of reach of the hand he tried to extend toward me in secret. “You don’t have to hide it anymore. You two should get married.” Chapter 1 My voice was loud enough for every coworker around us to hear clearly. For a moment, the entire room fell silent. Then, Mark Perrette spoke in that same gentle voice, except he was talking to Katrina Palmer. “Kat, are your feet hurting from standing so long? Let me carry you.” Without missing a beat, he withdrew his hand and swept Katrina into his arms. It was as if nothing had happened, and he had not heard a word I said. It was as if I was not even there. That familiar sense of helplessness washed over me again. He was treating me like I was invisible again. Mark always said we had to keep our distance around our coworkers. So, unless it was about work, he would deliberately ignore everything I said. Then, he would somehow turn it into yet another excuse to fuss over Katrina. Once, when I was running late, I asked him to hold the elevator. Instead, he asked if Katrina was cold from the draft and promptly pressed the button to close the doors. Another time, I had a cold and asked him to bring me something warm to drink. He noticed Katrina was sweating and cranked up the air-conditioning instead. One rainy evening, I asked if he could drive me home. He noticed Katrina had no umbrella, offered her the front seat, and drove her home even though she lived in the opposite direction. Before long, everyone at work took his lead. Everyone pretended not to see me. I had thought I was used to being ignored and forgotten. Yet watching Mark and Katrina wrapped up in each other as if they were alone in the room still left a bitter ache in my chest. In the end, the difference between being loved and not being loved could not have been clearer. Someone snorted. Then, one by one, the rest of my coworkers began to snicker. “There she goes again, putting on a whole show by herself. On top of that, she’s in a wedding dress. You’d think Mr. Perrette was here to marry her.” “Can’t she see that Mr. Perrette is so sick of her he won’t even acknowledge her? He moved up his wedding just to avoid her, but she still couldn’t take a hint. Imagine throwing yourself at a man for eight years with no shame.” “She’s even making suggestive comments at Kat’s wedding to get into her head. She really is desperate to come between them.” As their remarks grew increasingly vicious, Katrina raised a hand and stepped in. “Please don’t talk about Emily like that. She was only trying to liven things up. She meant no harm.” However, her carefully vague defense only made me sound guilty, which set off another bout of cruel laughter. Mark finally frowned and cast them a warning look. His tone left no room for argument as he said, “That’s enough. You’re upsetting Kat.” Then, he turned back to straighten Katrina’s hair without sparing me so much as a glance. Our coworkers erupted into delighted laughter and knowing cheers, swooning over them. I had never felt more humiliated. He had stood by while they mocked me and did nothing to correct their misunderstanding. The moment Katrina spoke, his first instinct was to protect her feelings. He even silenced the entire room for her. It made my attempt to end our relationship look exactly like the one-woman show they had accused me of staging. The stench of the service alley still clung to me, a humiliating reminder of the state I was in. I tore off my veil and hurried out of the reception hall without looking back. When I caught sight of the giant screen outside, I could no longer hold back my tears. It was the display concept I had shown Mark while we were planning the wedding. The screen had cost fifteen thousand dollars to rent for the day. With two thousand photos, a slideshow could run from morning to night without repeating an image. At that time, Mark had called it flashy and accused me of wasting money. Yet, photograph after photograph of him and Katrina were being shown for everyone to see. That was why he had really made me use the back entrance. He had hidden me so that he could show her off. Unlike me, Katrina was never someone he felt the need to hide. Chapter 2 I wiped away my tears and took a cab back to the hotel. When I checked my phone, Mark’s texts began popping up. [I only did it to keep our relationship quiet. Stop being ridiculous.] [You were really out of control today. You almost destroyed everything we’ve spent the past eight years protecting.] [Post an apology in the group chat and offer to buy everyone lunch. Don’t make this any more awkward than it already is.] For once, Mark had plenty to say to me. However, every word was just another demand for me to back down. The sheer absurdity of it left me staring at the screen in disbelief. I sent a reply. [Which one of us made a scene?] [You let Katrina take my place at my wedding. Did you ever stop to think about how humiliating that was for me?] [When they were tearing me apart, why didn’t you tell them they were out of line?] [Mark, whose side are you really on?] Several seconds passed before his reply came. [It’s for the bigger picture. People at work can’t find out about us.] I smiled bitterly. [What if I want to go public?] A second later, Mark sent a one-minute voice message. His tone was more strained than I had ever heard it. “Emily, don’t be rash. You know everyone thinks Katrina is the bride. If you tell them the truth now, you’ll only humiliate her…” I stopped listening after that. I felt as though I were choking on everything I wanted to say. My feelings were expendable whenever he invoked the bigger picture. Katrina’s pride, apparently, was not. So, he did know exactly how humiliating this was for me. He had simply decided that, of the two of us, I was the one he could afford to hurt. In his eyes, I was the one who mattered less. As I sat there in a daze, several more long voice messages came through. I refused to play them and hammered out my reply instead. [I won’t apologize to the people who humiliated me. If keeping us a secret matters so much to you, you can keep it that way forever.] [We’re done…] Before I could finish typing the final line, a banking alert flashed across my screen. [BANK ALERT: A payment of $15,000 was made from an account ending in 0520.] Mark had made the charge using the card I had given him, which was linked directly to my account. Another message from him followed immediately. “I know you’re too proud to apologize, so I stepped in and handled it for you this once. Don’t expect me to do it again.” He had sent everyone in our private office chat a digital gift card, along with an apology in my name. For the first time in eight years, Mark had openly acted on my behalf. Yet it felt like nothing but another humiliation. My hands shook as I typed. [Mark, do you even remember what that money was for?] He did not answer, so I started calling him over and over. The phone rang and rang. Just when I was certain he would not answer, Katrina’s voice suddenly came through. “I won the bet. See? Emily isn’t the type to apologize so easily!” Mark gave a fond laugh. “All right, you win. Consider the money I sent you your prize. That should be enough for the necklace you’ve been talking about all month.” Katrina gave a smug little huff, but a trace of uncertainty crept into her voice. “Emily isn’t going to get angry and leave when she finds out, is she? “That money was supposed to be the down payment on the home you two were planning to buy.” Mark paused for a few seconds. “No. She has put up with this for eight years. She won’t leave me.” The absolute certainty in his voice strangled every question I had wanted to ask. A tear landed on the back of my hand, hot enough to sting. Eight years of silently enduring everything had not earned his love. It had merely made me the joke in a game they played at my expense. What he had wagered so carelessly was the down payment on the home I had dreamed of building with him. Back then, Mark had taken my hand and led me from room to room. His eyes had been bright as he described the life we would build there. “This will be our bedroom, and that one will be the nursery.” He wanted an open-concept kitchen because being able to see me whenever he looked up would make him happy. He said, “You’ve sacrificed so much for me over the years. I promise I’ll give you a beautiful wedding and the warm, loving home you deserve.” He had given that wedding to Katrina and gambled away the money meant for our home. What remained in the account was no longer enough to build a future with Mark. However, it was more than enough to buy me a one-way ticket home. After ending the call, I submitted my formal resignation to HR and accepted the job offer waiting for me back in my hometown. I was leaving Mark and our imagined future behind for good. Chapter 3 When I returned to the apartment, I threw my filthy wedding dress into the trash and began to pack. Mark had always insisted that keeping our relationship secret meant leaving no trace of me anywhere, not even in the home we shared. For eight years, we had slept in separate rooms. Mine was a converted storage room tucked out of sight. Even my clothes had to be plain and gender-neutral. Once, on our anniversary, I had put on a beautiful dress just for him. He had accused me of jeopardizing everything he had worked so hard to protect, then stormed out and slammed the door behind him. After that, we never celebrated another anniversary. With a bitter laugh, I stripped every last black, white, and gray outfit from the closet and tossed them into the trash, packing only the essentials. After eight rootless years, everything I owned fit inside a suitcase. Just as I was about to head out the door, I ran straight into Mark coming in with Katrina. When he saw my packed suitcase, he stopped short. A look of approval appeared on his face. “You’ve finally learned to be sensible.” I stared at him. “What do you mean?” Katrina stepped out from behind him and offered a breezy explanation. “Our coworkers got a little carried away. They insisted on coming here for an after-party and said they wouldn’t leave until Mark and I headed to the bedroom for our wedding night. “But don’t worry, Emily. Mark and I are just buddies. I’m only spending one night at your place. Nothing inappropriate will happen.” The indulgent look on Mark’s face made my throat go dry. He thought I was dutifully making myself scarce for the night so that he and Katrina could keep playing newlyweds. All in the name of keeping our relationship secret, I was apparently expected to surrender even my own wedding night. What a joke. I scoffed under my breath and nodded indifferently. “Okay. I’ll stay somewhere else.” Mark seemed surprised by how easily I agreed and stared at me for a moment. Then, he let out a relieved sigh and gently brushed his hand against my cheek. “That’s my girl. You only have to bear with it for one night. Once everyone at work buys the story, you can move back in. We can even have another wedding later, with just us…” I stepped back and cut him off. “You misunderstood. I’m moving out for good. Mark, I’m breaking up with you.” His expression tightened. He opened his mouth to respond. However, the mocking voices of our coworkers outside came faster than his words. “Breaking up? Is she seriously pretending she was ever Mr. Perrette’s girlfriend?” “This is hilarious. Did nobody tell her Kat and Mr. Perrette already made it official at the courthouse?” The moment I heard that, I turned to Mark in disbelief. His eyes darted away, but he offered no explanation. That was all the confirmation I needed. My fists tightened until my knuckles turned white. A broken laugh escaped me as tears filled my eyes. “You married her? Just to keep our relationship hidden, you took this charade with Katrina all the way to the courthouse?” Every eye in the room turned to Mark. Uncertain murmurs began to ripple through our coworkers. “Why does Emily sound like she’s telling the truth? Was Katrina the other woman all along?” Mark swallowed hard. But when he saw the color drain from Katrina’s face, he turned on me. “What charade? Katrina and I are legally married. If you keep spreading lies, I’ll report you for harassment and sue you for defamation. I’ll overlook the trespassing, but you need to leave. Now.” The coldness in Mark’s eyes cut deeper than any blade. In that instant, the last of my love for him disappeared. I wiped away my tears. Then, I pulled the engagement ring from the chain hidden beneath my clothes and threw it at his chest. “Fine. I’m leaving.” Chapter 4 When I escaped that suffocating apartment, I canceled the ticket I had booked. I found the earliest available flight and headed straight for the airport. This city held nothing for me but humiliation. I could not bear to remain another minute. My phone buzzed nonstop along the way. Notifications poured in from the private office chat, along with texts from Mark. Knowing it would only hurt, I opened the group chat anyway. My screen immediately filled with photo after photo. Every one of them captured another intimate moment between Mark and Katrina. Only then did I realize how thoroughly Mark had spoiled Katrina. Around her neck was the limited-edition necklace I had wanted for years. On her wrist was the family heirloom bracelet his mother had once promised to the woman he married. Even the wedding ring on her finger fit as though it had been made for her. Every gift and promise Mark had withheld from me had quietly been given to the woman he truly wanted. I opened my conversation with Mark again. There was no apology and no concern for how I felt. There were only a few hollow excuses followed by more orders. [They wouldn’t let it go. They insisted on seeing proof that Katrina and I were legally married, so we went to the courthouse. It was only to keep up appearances.] [I’ve arranged a private ceremony for us tomorrow. This time, it’ll be just the two of us. Be ready.] [Be good, Emily. I’ll pretend I never heard what you said about breaking up. Marriage isn’t a game.] My stomach churned. I had heard those same words countless times before. At that moment, they only made me sick. Which one of us was really treating marriage like a game? He had replaced the bride without a second thought and gone to the courthouse as though marriage was nothing more than paperwork. I wanted to ask why a wedding meant for the two of us had needed Katrina there at all. Mark had never struggled to say no to me. Why was it suddenly impossible when anyone else was asking? I typed it all out, deleted it, and ultimately sent nothing. Since I had decided to walk away, I no longer cared enough to hear his excuses. Just as I was about to close the conversation, Mark sent a question mark, followed with a message. [Did you contact HR?] I hesitated, but he apparently could not wait for an answer and called me almost immediately. I stared at the screen for a long moment before finally picking up. Before I could tell him I resigned, a weary sigh came through the phone. Mark sounded thoroughly exasperated. “I know you’ve put up with a lot these past eight years, but you can’t just go behind my back and pressure HR. You may have led the team that delivered our latest project, but you’re still too junior for management. “If you compete with Kat for the same position now, it’ll raise too many questions. I’ve spoken to HR. Kat will get the promotion, and you’ll go to North Vale for some training in her place. “When you come back, I’ll promote you. All right?” His voice was impossibly gentle, as if he were offering me a favor, but every word left me feeling colder. So, he had not called because he knew I had resigned and wanted me to stay. He had not even bothered to read the update about me carefully. All he cared about was whether I was trying to take Katrina’s promotion. He was even prepared to send me to North Vale, which was thousands of miles away, just to clear the way for her. My heart hurt so much that it went numb. I managed a bitter smile. “Okay.” The persuasion Mark had been preparing died on his lips. He seemed surprised that I had agreed so obediently. After a long silence, all he managed was a stiff, “Have a safe trip.” By the time I ended the call, HR had sent confirmation that my resignation had been accepted. Mark had probably approved it without even bothering to read what it was. Just then, my flight was called. I picked up my suitcase and walked through the boarding gate without hesitation. Without him, the journey ahead could only be easier. (3rd POV) The next day, Mark woke up long after the sun had risen. He felt an inexplicable sense of loss, but dismissed it as a hangover. One look at the time sent him rushing to get dressed before driving to the private wedding venue he had booked. Only the photographer and officiant were there, exactly as expected for such a small ceremony, so he thought nothing of it. He simply assumed Emily was running late. However, with ten minutes left before the ceremony, there was still no sign of her. When the wedding began, Emily still did not appear. Even when the next couple arrived and asked when they would be finished, Emily was nowhere to be found. Mark’s unease quickly sharpened into panic. Remembering what he had told Emily the night before, he called HR. “Where is Emily? Her transfer isn’t supposed to take effect until next week.” The HR representative hesitated. “What transfer? Emily resigned last night.”